Hi folks,
I'm moving. I have had a brand new site created for me and will be blogging there from now on.
Thanks for choosing to 'follow' me here.
I'd love for you to come with me to the new site.
You'll be the very first people to see it at www.dionoxford.com
It'd be great if you'd 'follow' me there by subscribing to that blog.
Thanks for being part of the journey with me.
Peace,
Dion
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Monday, February 16, 2015
Some Valentine's thoughts
I spent Valentine's Day away from my family this year. It sucked!
I'm in Myrtle Beach right now and have been since the beginning of February. I came here because winter takes such a brutal toll on my health (due to my life with MS) that I'm trying to avoid as much of winter as possible. So I'm skipping February! Now that I'm eternally thankful for.
Even though I had a very good buddy with me that day (thanks Ben for being here and being a good friend to me), not being with Erinn and Cate on Valentines just felt wrong. I took Ben to dinner at the Cracker Barrel. On Valentines Day. Man did I miss Erinn. Sheesh.
Anyhoo, Feb.14 has such significance for me outside the commercialized, sanitized version of it.
18 years ago on Feb. 14, 1997 I went to Elaine Grant's workplace and bought her lunch. I was scared outta my mind because I was going to attempt the formality of asking her if it would be ok with her if I asked her daughter Erinn to marry me that night. That went real well and is indeed a wonderful memory. Then, later that evening, I cooked dinner for Erinn (the food was horrible but she didn't say a negative word about it all night and that meal continues to be fodder for laughing out loud moments when we reminisce about it) after which I knelt on one knee and proposed. She said YES! That was the beginning of the best thing that ever happened to me.
3 years later (we were married at this point), FEB. 14, 2000, I was working for The Salvation Army doing street ministry. That was the day we officially opened Gateway. (www.thegateway.ca) There was a snow storm that day. I remember it well. It was the beginning of a ride that changed my life in ways I could never have predicted. For 14 years I ran that place. It was a beautiful community to be a part of for all those years and I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to have been a part of it.
So it felt kinda wrong not to be home for Valentine's Day. It felt wrong to be away from my Gateway family and be missing their 15th anniversary party and even more wrong not to be with Erinn and my actual family. (Can't wait to see them in just 3 more sleeps)
But even though I wasn't physically with them on Feb. 14th, I was there in spirit and I felt their love and presence here with me.
That's why Feb.14, 2015 was manageable.
And that's why I'll always cherish Valentine's Day.
I'm in Myrtle Beach right now and have been since the beginning of February. I came here because winter takes such a brutal toll on my health (due to my life with MS) that I'm trying to avoid as much of winter as possible. So I'm skipping February! Now that I'm eternally thankful for.
Even though I had a very good buddy with me that day (thanks Ben for being here and being a good friend to me), not being with Erinn and Cate on Valentines just felt wrong. I took Ben to dinner at the Cracker Barrel. On Valentines Day. Man did I miss Erinn. Sheesh.
Anyhoo, Feb.14 has such significance for me outside the commercialized, sanitized version of it.
18 years ago on Feb. 14, 1997 I went to Elaine Grant's workplace and bought her lunch. I was scared outta my mind because I was going to attempt the formality of asking her if it would be ok with her if I asked her daughter Erinn to marry me that night. That went real well and is indeed a wonderful memory. Then, later that evening, I cooked dinner for Erinn (the food was horrible but she didn't say a negative word about it all night and that meal continues to be fodder for laughing out loud moments when we reminisce about it) after which I knelt on one knee and proposed. She said YES! That was the beginning of the best thing that ever happened to me.
3 years later (we were married at this point), FEB. 14, 2000, I was working for The Salvation Army doing street ministry. That was the day we officially opened Gateway. (www.thegateway.ca) There was a snow storm that day. I remember it well. It was the beginning of a ride that changed my life in ways I could never have predicted. For 14 years I ran that place. It was a beautiful community to be a part of for all those years and I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to have been a part of it.
So it felt kinda wrong not to be home for Valentine's Day. It felt wrong to be away from my Gateway family and be missing their 15th anniversary party and even more wrong not to be with Erinn and my actual family. (Can't wait to see them in just 3 more sleeps)
But even though I wasn't physically with them on Feb. 14th, I was there in spirit and I felt their love and presence here with me.
That's why Feb.14, 2015 was manageable.
And that's why I'll always cherish Valentine's Day.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Kickin' it Old School
Erinn and I have had a fun couple of weeks. Our daughter has been away at 2 summer sleepover camps in a row and we've had opportunity to have a bunch of 'date nights'. We both love going to the movies, we did that a LOT when we were dating and first got married before Cate came along, so we've gone to see 3 films in the past 8 days. That feels like more than we've gone to in the past 10 years. (We were in a goofy mood the first night so went to see 'Tammy' for a few laughs. We did chuckle a little but it was a let down to be sure. Then we saw X-Men which was ok but afterwards I was left feeling uninspired and declared that I was done with those kinds of movies. We finally saw 'Begin Again' last nigh which was a hit for us. It was one of those movies I loved and didn't want to end. So great on so many levels. I'd highly recommend it)
Anyhoo, another thing Erinn and I did a lot of when we were dating (minds outta the gutter please) was street outreach. We'd make a bunch of sandwiches and pack bagged lunches and go downtown and hand them out either on our own or with a youth group that we'd be guiding. We called these nights 'sandwich runs'. We'd sometimes do this 3 times per week. We loved it. We'd stay out real late, hang out with our friends on the street, give spiels to youth groups as to why it's important as Christians to seek justice for the poor, and when we were done we'd often end up at Fran's on College Street eating lemon meringue pie or rice pudding until the wee hours of the morning. We fell in love with each other and the streets in those days. They were foundational times that prepared us for the work we've committed our whole lives to.
So last weekend Erinn, along with some folks from her ministry in Parkdale called 'The Dale', was taking a youth group out on a sandwich run and because Cate was away she asked if I'd like to go with her.
I said yes.
So on Friday night we got in the car, drove to Parkdale, had Roti's together for dinner, checked out their community garden, met 27 young people from Markham and handed out sandwiches with them, went for a snack afterwards, and went home.
It was awesome!
It was old school.
Of course lots has changed in the close to 20 years since we started doing this.
You couldn't have paid me to eat a roti back then whereas now it's one of my fave things to eat on the planet.
Community gardens were unheard of in the mid-90's.
I rode my mobility scooter this time around instead of walking. And when we were done we didn't go out for pie but went to 7-11 for a froster and were in bed by 10:15pm:)
And even though I'm quite ok with sandwich runs being a part of my past, it reminded me of why I fell in love with the streets.
And more importantly, I was reminded of how I fell in love with the beautiful Erinn Oxford.
I'm feeling quite thankful these days.
and blessed.
Anyhoo, another thing Erinn and I did a lot of when we were dating (minds outta the gutter please) was street outreach. We'd make a bunch of sandwiches and pack bagged lunches and go downtown and hand them out either on our own or with a youth group that we'd be guiding. We called these nights 'sandwich runs'. We'd sometimes do this 3 times per week. We loved it. We'd stay out real late, hang out with our friends on the street, give spiels to youth groups as to why it's important as Christians to seek justice for the poor, and when we were done we'd often end up at Fran's on College Street eating lemon meringue pie or rice pudding until the wee hours of the morning. We fell in love with each other and the streets in those days. They were foundational times that prepared us for the work we've committed our whole lives to.
So last weekend Erinn, along with some folks from her ministry in Parkdale called 'The Dale', was taking a youth group out on a sandwich run and because Cate was away she asked if I'd like to go with her.
I said yes.
So on Friday night we got in the car, drove to Parkdale, had Roti's together for dinner, checked out their community garden, met 27 young people from Markham and handed out sandwiches with them, went for a snack afterwards, and went home.
It was awesome!
It was old school.
Of course lots has changed in the close to 20 years since we started doing this.
You couldn't have paid me to eat a roti back then whereas now it's one of my fave things to eat on the planet.
Community gardens were unheard of in the mid-90's.
I rode my mobility scooter this time around instead of walking. And when we were done we didn't go out for pie but went to 7-11 for a froster and were in bed by 10:15pm:)
And even though I'm quite ok with sandwich runs being a part of my past, it reminded me of why I fell in love with the streets.
And more importantly, I was reminded of how I fell in love with the beautiful Erinn Oxford.
I'm feeling quite thankful these days.
and blessed.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
An Open Apology Letter to Winter
Feb. 15, 2004
Dear winter,
I have a confession and an apology to make.
I don’t hate you.
In fact, I think you’re beautiful. I’m sorry that I’ve been so angry at you for a few years now. I realized today that it’s not you that I’m mad at. It’s this awful disease of MS that I have that makes it so very difficult to get around in winter. I’m sorry for the misplaced anger. Please forgive me.
Today on this sunny, blue sky, tranquil Saturday morning I was reminded of how beautiful you are. As I sat on my bench at the skating rink and watched my girls skate, I took in your glorious wonder.
I looked at the perfectly white mounds of snow and had so many fond memories flooding back to me of the snow where I grew up in Newfoundland.
-I remember my love of snowmobiling virtually every afternoon of my life after school.
-I pictured the massively high snow banks on each side of our little town’s streets, and all of the fun we had has children playing on those.
-I recounted the countless hours spent with my friends tobogganing and skiing on the little slopes all throughout our neighbourhood.
-I fondly reminisced of the snowmobile trip my wife and I took while on our honeymoon in Vermont.
I so loved those days.
I then focused in on the ice itself and remembered how much I loved skating.
-As kids we grabbed our skates after school, jumped on our ski-doos and drove to the nearest frozen pond to play hockey.
-I loved the times when a group of friends would go to the local skating rink, go round and round, and take breaks in the stands of the rink with little cups of hot chocolate. Sometimes I’d even get to hold the hand of a pretty girl as we skated.
-I remember those winters when the bay in our little town would freeze over and we could go out on the ice on our ski-doo or ATV. We’d often dig a hole in that ice with an ice-auger and throw in a jigger and catch some codfish for supper.
I loved those days.
I took them for granted.
Now I can barely walk. I miss winter activities. But now, the slightest bit of snow in my path makes life a lot more difficult for me. I miss not being able to skate. Now I’m literally afraid for my life whenever I step on or near a patch of ice. It’s awful.
So yes, even though I long for you to go away, it’s not because I hate you. I don’t. It’s just that you remind me so often of the things that the disease has taken from me. No walks with my wife though winter wonderland trails. No skating with my daughter on Saturday mornings. I can’t even help to make a snowman any more.
So thanks for giving me some respite today and letting me enjoy my morning at the rink. It was lovely.
But still, and please don’t take this personally, if you could leave now and never come back I’d be thankful for that and would be perfectly content with my memories of you.
Your frenemy,
Dion
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Dear winter,
I have a confession and an apology to make.
I don’t hate you.
In fact, I think you’re beautiful. I’m sorry that I’ve been so angry at you for a few years now. I realized today that it’s not you that I’m mad at. It’s this awful disease of MS that I have that makes it so very difficult to get around in winter. I’m sorry for the misplaced anger. Please forgive me.
Today on this sunny, blue sky, tranquil Saturday morning I was reminded of how beautiful you are. As I sat on my bench at the skating rink and watched my girls skate, I took in your glorious wonder.
I looked at the perfectly white mounds of snow and had so many fond memories flooding back to me of the snow where I grew up in Newfoundland.
-I remember my love of snowmobiling virtually every afternoon of my life after school.
-I pictured the massively high snow banks on each side of our little town’s streets, and all of the fun we had has children playing on those.
-I recounted the countless hours spent with my friends tobogganing and skiing on the little slopes all throughout our neighbourhood.
-I fondly reminisced of the snowmobile trip my wife and I took while on our honeymoon in Vermont.
I so loved those days.
I then focused in on the ice itself and remembered how much I loved skating.
-As kids we grabbed our skates after school, jumped on our ski-doos and drove to the nearest frozen pond to play hockey.
-I loved the times when a group of friends would go to the local skating rink, go round and round, and take breaks in the stands of the rink with little cups of hot chocolate. Sometimes I’d even get to hold the hand of a pretty girl as we skated.
-I remember those winters when the bay in our little town would freeze over and we could go out on the ice on our ski-doo or ATV. We’d often dig a hole in that ice with an ice-auger and throw in a jigger and catch some codfish for supper.
I loved those days.
I took them for granted.
Now I can barely walk. I miss winter activities. But now, the slightest bit of snow in my path makes life a lot more difficult for me. I miss not being able to skate. Now I’m literally afraid for my life whenever I step on or near a patch of ice. It’s awful.
So yes, even though I long for you to go away, it’s not because I hate you. I don’t. It’s just that you remind me so often of the things that the disease has taken from me. No walks with my wife though winter wonderland trails. No skating with my daughter on Saturday mornings. I can’t even help to make a snowman any more.
So thanks for giving me some respite today and letting me enjoy my morning at the rink. It was lovely.
But still, and please don’t take this personally, if you could leave now and never come back I’d be thankful for that and would be perfectly content with my memories of you.
Your frenemy,
Dion
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Sunday, January 5, 2014
Us. and Them
I'm been clean for 5 days now.
And sober.
Yes. I'm an addict. And for the umpteenth time in a row I have committed to kicking my addiction as a new year's resolution.
It's slowly killing me. It's damaging my health. It zaps my energy. It clouds my thinking. It makes me feel shitty.
But only after the short term high it gives me.
I'm addicted to food. Junk food.
I love chips. Chocolate. Deep fried things. Cookies.
Salty things.
Sweet things.
Sweet and salty things.
It's brutal. Really, really brutal.
I've discovered over the past 18 months or so that when I eat a paleo diet, otherwise known as the caveman diet (consisting only of meat, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and seeds) that I feel a million times better.
I think more clearly. I have more energy. My MS symptoms get better (including my balance and ability to walk). I feel stronger. I work more efficiently. And I lose weight.
But yet I always fall off the wagon. I always relapse.
I tell myself all the reasons why this is so ridiculous.
"People are starving all over the world and yet I'm over eating."
"There is a food security crisis, including in our own backyards."
"My body is God's temple. I should treat it as that."
"I'm wasting money on crap when so many people around me are so very poor."
"I have a daughter who needs me and a wife who loves me."
"I'll feel and look so much better if I lose some weight."
But unfortunately, none of it works for long. I'm afraid that in 2 or 3 weeks from now I'll start to rationalize eating that bag of chips or chocolate bar and before long be right back at it again.
I have friends who are addicted to street drugs and alcohol. Lots of friends. I go to too many funerals for those who succumb to their addictions on the streets. I've been to 100's of them. I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't remember many of them as I've been to so many.
Sometimes I hear my friends who have chemical addictions say the same things I say about my own addictions.
"I'm going to quit before it kills me". They do very well for a week, or a month, or even a year. Sometimes they even go to rehab. But more often then not they find their way back to the thing that they love, which is also the thing that will kill them. Addiction is truly a love/hate relationship. And addiction kills.
But once in a while it sticks. Every now and then someone pronounces that they are quitting.
And they do. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why this time it sticks. It isn't a result of some miraculous healing from God. It just sticks. Maybe they've tried 15 times before to quit and gone to rehab a dozen times, but they try yet again and for some reason, it works. Addiction is in fact a curable disease.
I won't dare to say that my problems are anywhere near as big as some of that stuff. They're not. But my addiction is very much killing me slowly. Just like theirs. Just like 'them'.
And I'm trying yet again to quit. With the hope that this time it will stick. I'm inspired by my friends on the street who keep trying.
Not just the ones that make it but by those who don't as well.
They have hope.
They try.
And try again.
And try again and again and again.
And when they're ready, I'll be right there to help them get into rehab yet again if they want my help.
And most of them don't have anywhere near the level of family and communal support that I do.
So I'm going to try again.
Maybe this time it'll stick.
I'll just have to wait and see.
And try. And hope. And pray
And sober.
Yes. I'm an addict. And for the umpteenth time in a row I have committed to kicking my addiction as a new year's resolution.
It's slowly killing me. It's damaging my health. It zaps my energy. It clouds my thinking. It makes me feel shitty.
But only after the short term high it gives me.
I'm addicted to food. Junk food.
I love chips. Chocolate. Deep fried things. Cookies.
Salty things.
Sweet things.
Sweet and salty things.
It's brutal. Really, really brutal.
I've discovered over the past 18 months or so that when I eat a paleo diet, otherwise known as the caveman diet (consisting only of meat, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and seeds) that I feel a million times better.
I think more clearly. I have more energy. My MS symptoms get better (including my balance and ability to walk). I feel stronger. I work more efficiently. And I lose weight.
But yet I always fall off the wagon. I always relapse.
I tell myself all the reasons why this is so ridiculous.
"People are starving all over the world and yet I'm over eating."
"There is a food security crisis, including in our own backyards."
"My body is God's temple. I should treat it as that."
"I'm wasting money on crap when so many people around me are so very poor."
"I have a daughter who needs me and a wife who loves me."
"I'll feel and look so much better if I lose some weight."
But unfortunately, none of it works for long. I'm afraid that in 2 or 3 weeks from now I'll start to rationalize eating that bag of chips or chocolate bar and before long be right back at it again.
I have friends who are addicted to street drugs and alcohol. Lots of friends. I go to too many funerals for those who succumb to their addictions on the streets. I've been to 100's of them. I'm embarrassed to admit that I don't remember many of them as I've been to so many.
Sometimes I hear my friends who have chemical addictions say the same things I say about my own addictions.
"I'm going to quit before it kills me". They do very well for a week, or a month, or even a year. Sometimes they even go to rehab. But more often then not they find their way back to the thing that they love, which is also the thing that will kill them. Addiction is truly a love/hate relationship. And addiction kills.
But once in a while it sticks. Every now and then someone pronounces that they are quitting.
And they do. There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to why this time it sticks. It isn't a result of some miraculous healing from God. It just sticks. Maybe they've tried 15 times before to quit and gone to rehab a dozen times, but they try yet again and for some reason, it works. Addiction is in fact a curable disease.
I won't dare to say that my problems are anywhere near as big as some of that stuff. They're not. But my addiction is very much killing me slowly. Just like theirs. Just like 'them'.
And I'm trying yet again to quit. With the hope that this time it will stick. I'm inspired by my friends on the street who keep trying.
Not just the ones that make it but by those who don't as well.
They have hope.
They try.
And try again.
And try again and again and again.
And when they're ready, I'll be right there to help them get into rehab yet again if they want my help.
And most of them don't have anywhere near the level of family and communal support that I do.
So I'm going to try again.
Maybe this time it'll stick.
I'll just have to wait and see.
And try. And hope. And pray
Monday, November 4, 2013
A pre-Advent prayer
Holy God, on this first Monday of November, we thank you for the wonderful fall colours all around us and the beauty of your creation in this season of transition.
We praise you for the wonder of the rhythms of how your creation works. For the reminders of your presence and your unfathomable imagination in the way that you have designed the universe.
We are overwhelmed by your greatness and even more amazed that despite the awesomeness of the cosmos, you still know and love each one of us by name.
Lord of all creation
We give you praise and thanks
Holy God, we remember in these days following the festivities of Halloween, that our places of business will turn their attention fully on the coming Christmas season, not so as to celebrate the coming of the Saviour of the world, but to manipulate the masses into buying their products.
We pray, dear Lord, for strength to keep our focus firmly on you and you alone in these coming days. Help us to find places of solitude where we can hear your voice through the noise of constant advertising and Christmas mayhem.
We pray to you, the God of unlimited imagination, for ways to show our friends and family that we love them at Christmastime by giving them gifts that bring life to your world as opposed to feeding corporate greed.
Lord of all creation
We give you praise and thanks
Holy God, all is not well in this world.
There are wars and rumours of wars all over the world.
There is famine, sickness, disease, and death.
Human trafficking is still on the rise all over the planet, especially in preparation for the coming Olympic games.
There are men, women and children in sweat shops all over the world working in unsafe conditions for meager wages so as to provide us with cheep clothing and useless stuff.
And here in our own country we have scandal. Politicians who value power over truth. Media who loves selling papers and TV time over telling the real story. And people who are allowing themselves to be redefined as taxpayers as opposed to citizens.
Lord of all creation
We give you praise and thanks
Lord of unlimited imagination,
Help us to imagine a new way to live.
A new way to shop.
A new way to think.
A new way to view the world.
A new way to love.
We pray that you’ll constantly remind us that you are with us and will never leave us.
Lord of all creation
We give you praise and thanks
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Gratitude: a tribute
Well I guess I'm keeping up with my trend of writing one post every couple of months. It's kinda pathetic I know, but it is what it is.
On Thanksgiving weekend I found myself at a loss for words. Not in every area of my life, those of you who know me best would know I'm never short of having an opinion on something or other, but just in the area of being able to name what I'm thankful for.
Despite its many pitfalls, I'm a big fan of Facebook. But on that weekend, as I watched one status update after another outline what people were thankful for, I was handcuffed as to what to write. Not at all because I didn't have things to be thankful for, but mainly because I couldn't think of what was most important to me to write in just a few sentences of a status update.
So I was silent. Slightly paralyzed.
But over these past weeks I haven't been able to forget my dilemma.
What am I thankful for?
- I'm thankful for my family. My beautiful wife. My inspirational daughter. My 2 very loving sisters. My parents who I love and love me back and are still alive and well. My brother who I'll have a chance to spend some time with in a few weeks in Alberta. My 5 nephews; one of which is named after me. The list goes on.
- I'm thankful for my job. It's awesome. It's new and exciting. It's giving me a chance to expand my sphere of influence and develop some new skills. It's also bringing me closer to the streets than I've been in years as a result of being freed of the many administrative tasks I once had and allowing me to spend far more time with folks on, or close to, the streets.
- I have close friends. I have a home. A car. Toys. A church that I love. Music. Books. A fireplace. A TV and computer. A shelf of curry spices and tea making supplies. The list goes on. I'm so thankful.
Then another part of my dilemma was resisting the urge to post on Facebook the things that I'm thankful not to have to deal with.
- I'm thankful that I'm not homeless living in a shelter or on the street.
- I'm thankful my mother didn't feel the need to abandon me when I was a baby and leave me to be raised by the system.
- I'm thankful to never have been raped in prison.
- I'm thankful that I wasn't faced with the decision of having to sell myself on the streets for survival or die.
- I'm thankful that I don't live in a mud hut and have to struggle to find clean water and worry about where to find my next meal, whether or not men with guns will come and take me from my home and make me fight in their wars...
I'm truly thankful. But I didn't post that stuff 'cuz it mighta sounded kind of preachy.
So I remained silent. Still paralyzed.
Then last week in church, a week after thanksgiving weekend, the theme was yet again thankfulness. There was no sermon and instead there were a series of people speaking on gratitude in the midst of struggle. It was powerful. But the story that stood out was a video of my mother-in-law, Elaine Grant, who has lived in hospital for almost a decade due to complications from a surgery she had. She can't eat. She's bound to either a bed or a wheelchair. And she's dependent on caregivers for her daily survival. But she spoke into that camera, with the most genuine smile that brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it, about how truly thankful she is to God, for God, and for her family and friends. She's a true inspiration and model of grace, love, and gratitude.
I'm thankful she's in my life. She helps me get past my semi-regular self pity regarding my own health issues. Her life points me back to the reality of the many things I do have to be thankful for.
She embodies gratitude.
So this post is my tribute to my mother-in-law Elaine.
i love you mom.
And I'm so thankful for you.
On Thanksgiving weekend I found myself at a loss for words. Not in every area of my life, those of you who know me best would know I'm never short of having an opinion on something or other, but just in the area of being able to name what I'm thankful for.
Despite its many pitfalls, I'm a big fan of Facebook. But on that weekend, as I watched one status update after another outline what people were thankful for, I was handcuffed as to what to write. Not at all because I didn't have things to be thankful for, but mainly because I couldn't think of what was most important to me to write in just a few sentences of a status update.
So I was silent. Slightly paralyzed.
But over these past weeks I haven't been able to forget my dilemma.
What am I thankful for?
- I'm thankful for my family. My beautiful wife. My inspirational daughter. My 2 very loving sisters. My parents who I love and love me back and are still alive and well. My brother who I'll have a chance to spend some time with in a few weeks in Alberta. My 5 nephews; one of which is named after me. The list goes on.
- I'm thankful for my job. It's awesome. It's new and exciting. It's giving me a chance to expand my sphere of influence and develop some new skills. It's also bringing me closer to the streets than I've been in years as a result of being freed of the many administrative tasks I once had and allowing me to spend far more time with folks on, or close to, the streets.
- I have close friends. I have a home. A car. Toys. A church that I love. Music. Books. A fireplace. A TV and computer. A shelf of curry spices and tea making supplies. The list goes on. I'm so thankful.
Then another part of my dilemma was resisting the urge to post on Facebook the things that I'm thankful not to have to deal with.
- I'm thankful that I'm not homeless living in a shelter or on the street.
- I'm thankful my mother didn't feel the need to abandon me when I was a baby and leave me to be raised by the system.
- I'm thankful to never have been raped in prison.
- I'm thankful that I wasn't faced with the decision of having to sell myself on the streets for survival or die.
- I'm thankful that I don't live in a mud hut and have to struggle to find clean water and worry about where to find my next meal, whether or not men with guns will come and take me from my home and make me fight in their wars...
I'm truly thankful. But I didn't post that stuff 'cuz it mighta sounded kind of preachy.
So I remained silent. Still paralyzed.
Then last week in church, a week after thanksgiving weekend, the theme was yet again thankfulness. There was no sermon and instead there were a series of people speaking on gratitude in the midst of struggle. It was powerful. But the story that stood out was a video of my mother-in-law, Elaine Grant, who has lived in hospital for almost a decade due to complications from a surgery she had. She can't eat. She's bound to either a bed or a wheelchair. And she's dependent on caregivers for her daily survival. But she spoke into that camera, with the most genuine smile that brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it, about how truly thankful she is to God, for God, and for her family and friends. She's a true inspiration and model of grace, love, and gratitude.
I'm thankful she's in my life. She helps me get past my semi-regular self pity regarding my own health issues. Her life points me back to the reality of the many things I do have to be thankful for.
She embodies gratitude.
So this post is my tribute to my mother-in-law Elaine.
i love you mom.
And I'm so thankful for you.
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