so i thought i'd take a little time every few days over the coming weeks to try and journal my thoughts on my (and erinn's) life for the past 13 years with MS, my joys and pains along the way, my struggles with discipline especially around diet and exercise, my hope for 'liberation', and my faith in God.
i won't go into much detail here in the first of these blogs, but i'll say that i have several reasons for journaling these thoughts over the next few weeks;
1. i find it therapeutic to write out my thoughts and share them with whomever cares to read them
2. i know that if one of my friends who was very sick and wanted healing told me that he/she was going to costa rica for an experimental surgery that canadian doctors disagree with, i would at the very least likely think to myself that they were filled with false hope and chasing after the impossible. or i might even go as far as tell them they were nuts. so i want to try and articulate here why i think this is worth the try.
3. i want to journal all of the deficiencies that MS has brought my way in hopes of comparing them to what i hope will be the outcome of this procedure.
4. i hope to journal my thoughts on how my life with MS has affected my faith in God.
5. i'm currently feeling pretty low and i'm not much fun to be around these days. it started last week when i fell of my bike and bruised or cracked some ribs, which then led to a pretty significant flare up of MS related issues that have caused me to need to use a cane to walk around these days, numb hands and feet that i can hardly even feel, and fatigue so extreme that i can barely focus. and for some reason, being down motivates me to write.
so, that's the foundation of my next few weeks of journaling. our whole family boards a plane on june 21 for costa rica, and i have the procedure on june23. as far as my faith in God goes, while i often have no idea what She's up to much of the time, my faith is unwavering and strangely enough, even being strengthened through all of this. but i must admit, if all of this is to help me grow and mature, i feel like i've learned enough lessons now and would be grateful if He would let up a little for a while back in a day or so with more
peace
dion